Friday, July 15, 2011

I am seeking the courage I lack (Part 2)

Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries
If I don't I just know I'll turn back
I must dream of the things I am seeking
I am seeking the courage I lack

The courage to serve them with reliance
Face my mistakes without defiance
Show them I'm worthy
And while I show them 
I'll show me

If you missed it, scroll down for Part 1 of my series on finding confidence in the unknown!

There was a period of time a few months ago that I thought I had a full time job.  It was pretty glorious, and even more exciting because it was going to be my FIRST EVER 40 hour a week job that would last more than 3 months.  Well, I did have it, but budgets came through and then I didn't have it anymore.  I was laid off before I really even started.  And I had passed up two other jobs for the job that I had but no longer do.  "Oh yes, thank you so much for the offer of an equally awesome job, but no thank you, I have a full time job lined up already."  And let me tell you, it really sucked.  And I was mad.  And sad.  And disappointed.  And was throwing a pity party for myself on a regular basis.  And I am only responsible for myself.

I finally got to the point where I could take a step back.  

I am so glad that I am unemployed right now.  
I am young, I can still live the college lifestyle, I can eat pb&j for dinner every night and not really care, I am mobile, I am responsible for myself alone.  Some of my coworkers were also getting the raw end of the deal, getting let go from jobs they thought they had, jobs they had been working at a lot longer than me, jobs that supported their families and offered health insurance.
So yes, I am so glad that I am unemployed right now, at this point in my life, when I don't have a mortgage, a car payment, a child, a husband.  I have to seek out the courage that I lost when my job fell out of my hands, and realize how lucky I am to have lost my job at a time when I am resilient.  Do I still get emotional and frustrated about it all?  Absolutely.  But I have to stop these doubts, all these worries.  If I don't I just know I'll turn back.  And I can't turn back.  I have worked too hard to spend 7 years in college to just walk away from a career that I love because I had some doubt in myself and had lost confidence in my abilities.  

Check back for Part 3 tomorrow about finding confidence in any situation.


  1. I'm excited to see Part 3... and what a lovely picture you have!

  2. You are a rock star! Believe!


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